Most online dating experiences are exactly what they appear to be — two people getting to know each other. The exceptions are worth taking seriously precisely because romance scams exploit the same trust-building process that genuine dating requires, which makes them harder to spot than a more obviously suspicious message.
Early warning signs
A relationship that moves unusually fast, with declarations of strong feelings well before you've met, or even had a proper video call. Genuine connections can develop quickly, but a pattern of accelerated intimacy specifically designed to build trust fast is a known tactic.
Reluctance to video call, or repeated excuses for why a call can't happen — a bad camera, poor signal, being somewhere without connectivity, again and again. Photos alone are easy to fake or steal from someone else's profile; a real, live video call is much harder to fabricate convincingly.
A profile that seems almost too polished — professional-quality photos, a compelling but slightly generic backstory. A reverse image search on their main profile photo is a quick, genuinely useful check; it sometimes turns up the same photo attached to an entirely different name elsewhere online.
Any request for money, in any form — a plane ticket to finally meet, a medical emergency, a stuck shipment needing a customs fee, help with a "business opportunity." This is the core of a romance scam, and it's the point past which no further ambiguity is needed: a genuine partner does not need you to fund their emergencies before you've ever met in person.
Steering the conversation off the dating platform quickly, to WhatsApp, email, or another app, before the platform's own safety and reporting tools are out of the picture.
Practical verification steps
- Video call before any strong commitment — insist on it, and treat sustained reluctance as informative in itself.
- Reverse image search their profile photos.
- Search their name alongside details they've shared — a stated employer or hometown that turns up nothing at all, when it reasonably should, is worth noting.
- Meet in public for a first in-person meeting, and tell a friend or family member where you're going and when to expect you back.
- Never send money, gift cards, or crypto to someone you haven't met in person, regardless of how the request is framed or how long you've been talking.
If you suspect you're being scammed
Stop all financial contact immediately, even mid-conversation. Save messages and any transaction records before blocking, in case you need them for a report. Report it to the dating platform itself and, if money has already been sent, to your bank and the South African Police Service's commercial crime unit — the faster a payment is reported, the better the (still limited) chance of recovering any of it.
The balance worth striking
None of this is a reason to approach online dating with blanket suspicion — it's a short, specific checklist for the handful of situations where the pattern doesn't match what a genuine developing relationship looks like. Most people you meet online are exactly who they say they are; the verification habits above exist for the minority who aren't.